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Showing posts with label respect yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect yourself. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Finishing Second Taught Me Valuable Lessons...

My Dad's 70th Birthday!
The Turkey Trot race held on the military base every November always made me anxious. Around the fall season in the late 1980's, I remember training harder to stay in better shape. My Dad put excessive pressure on me to win my age group in the Turkey Trot. There was this one classmate I could never defeat-- Brian Davilla. Somehow, Brian always surged ahead of me to win our age group. He claimed the first place prize: A turkey and recognition. Furthermore, he also defeated me in cross-country and track races held at the junior high school. Finishing in second place taught me valuable lessons in my life.

We all have wants, needs and desires. Sometimes we may disguise our help as caring for people so they don't make the same mistakes as we made in our unresolved past. However, we may hide our ulterior motives, our secret agendas away from the world. We may want to win. Winning makes us feel good. It gets us attention...

In those Turkey Trot races, I wanted to make my Dad proud of me. I really enjoyed running across the base with only the road ahead standing in front of me. If not for anxiety, I would have won so many competitive races. The high expectations to win dragged my confidence into the mud. Overthinking doomed me. Self-doubting convinced me that I would strike out before stepping on home plate. We all want to hit that homerun. Clapping, cheering and standing ovations can give us a dopamine high.

That adrenaline rush creates an instant surge of natural energy inside of us. Text message dinging... A DM from someone you like... A phone call... Going up to talk to someone you desire... What goes on in our mind travels way back to the past where we programmed these moments to matter. Social media likes...  Comments... Reposts... Follows... Subscribers...

Dopamine highs can cause us to experience a false sense of security. We may miss living real life trying to impress family, friends and strangers. We may need that instant gratification. We may want to feel appreciated. The large crowds jumping up and cheering for us may feel like an addictive drug. EDM beats can mimic the heartbeat of people on a dopamine high.

Once we stop winning, the crowds slowly disappear. People stop talking about our past victories. Most of our friends leave us behind. They move on to start new friendships. Attention is short lived. We should not live to win every moment. It's impossible to be on top of the world; we must also embrace losing races. Failure is important...

At one point or another, we have imagined giving an Oscar acceptance speech. What I end with is, Dad, I hope I made you proud. I only heard my Dad tell me he was proud of me once: Joining the Air Force and receiving his letters of encouragement in Military Basic Training. My Dad helped to get me through this challenging experience.

I know my Dad cares about my life. I realize my Dad is proud of me. He doesn't have to remind me. Actions matter... I always wanted him to see me as a winner. I wanted to share my victories with him. I heard my Dad make passive aggressive comments such as Tiger Woods or Michael Phelps' Dad must be proud of them or my best friend's Dad raised really successful sons. Why do we focus so much attention on what other people think? We start putting our meaningful relationships second. Chasing attention represents a temporary solution to feeling self-worth, appreciation and accepted.

We can waste our entire life on trying to please other people. We can get nervous asking someone we like on a date. We can fear outcomes that set our failures in stone. Or we may celebrate getting into the perfect relationship. Nothing in life is perfect. If we set impossible standards on our happiness, we will eventually meet unhappiness. Filling voids to be fulfilled will create artificial moments. Winning is mirage...

Finishing second taught me what really matters: The simple moments when I went camping, fishing and sporting events (football, baseball and basketball) with my Dad is what I celebrate. Winning the big race eventually becomes a distant memory. Meanwhile, the high emphasis we place on becoming successful at every turn puts our self-care second...


Happy Screenwriting!